當(dāng)我們年輕時(shí)，都想擁有完美的愛(ài)情。每個(gè)人都面帶笑容，一切都進(jìn)展順利。你的另一半知道說(shuō)什么做什么會(huì)令你開(kāi)心或者不開(kāi)心。那些曾經(jīng)經(jīng)歷過(guò)熱戀的人們更是深有體會(huì)。但是夫妻卻可能因?yàn)槿魏问露汲称饋?lái)，問(wèn)題的關(guān)鍵在于吵架其實(shí)也可以增進(jìn)夫妻感情。讓我們來(lái)看看：

1. You air your dirty laundry

晾出你自己的問(wèn)題

An argument may start over anything. You two may not know what to do for dinner. One of you may have taken that turn a little fast and loose while out driving. Problems in a relationship are like dynamite and little things like not deciding on a place to eat are nothing more than a fuse. Eventually, these little things will open up the table to what is really going wrong. Once you can identify what’s really going on, it’s just a matter of figuring out how to fix it.

爭(zhēng)吵可以因任何小事而起：你倆不知道晚餐吃什么；開(kāi)車(chē)外出時(shí)其中一人轉(zhuǎn)彎轉(zhuǎn)的有點(diǎn)早。夫妻間的任何問(wèn)題都像是一顆炸彈，而那些小事，諸如決定去哪兒吃飯等，就是導(dǎo)火線。最終，這些小事會(huì)引發(fā)真正的大事。一旦你發(fā)現(xiàn)苗頭不對(duì)，就要趕緊著手修補(bǔ)。

2. You will be more comfortable around one another

在彼此身邊時(shí)你會(huì)覺(jué)得更自在
The classic sign that a couple is comfortable with each other is when the “embarrassing” bodily functions fly even when the other person is in the room. Believe it or not, fighting can actually do the same thing. Couples who fight are not only working out their issues but also showing each other how they deal with problems. It forces you to talk about yourselves and what you think. By the end of it you’ll know the other person way better than you did before and vice versa because both of you will be expressing yourselves, often for the first time.

夫妻間能以最自在的方式同彼此相處，最典型的標(biāo)志就是當(dāng)其中一方身體忽然發(fā)出某種聲響，依然很自得。不管你信不信，爭(zhēng)吵也可以起到這種效果。夫妻吵架不僅僅在解決他們的問(wèn)題，也是在向?qū)Ψ秸故咀约菏侨绾翁幚韱?wèn)題的。它會(huì)迫使你審視自己，到最后，你可能會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)對(duì)方的方式可能更好，反之亦然，因?yàn)殡p方都是在第一次表達(dá)自己內(nèi)心的真實(shí)想法。

3. You will have confirmation that both of you want the relationship to work

確信雙方都想讓關(guān)系變得更好

People will fight for things they believe in. It doesn’t matter if they’re joining the military to fight for their country or shouting at you across the kitchen table to fight for your relationship. A lot of people think that anger means discontent but it actually means that you care so much that when something goes wrong, you get upset about it. Fighting with your partner shows them that you’re upset and that you want to fix things to make them better. If you don’t want to fight or if your partner doesn’t want to fight to make a relationship right, then there might be a problem.

人們會(huì)為自己堅(jiān)信的東西而奮斗。無(wú)論是加入軍隊(duì)為國(guó)家浴血奮戰(zhàn)或是夫妻雙方站在桌子對(duì)面為自己的婚姻生活而吵，這些都不重要。許多人都認(rèn)為，憤怒意味著不滿，但其實(shí)這表示你很在乎，出現(xiàn)問(wèn)題時(shí)，你會(huì)感到不安。跟對(duì)方爭(zhēng)吵表明你很不安，你想解決問(wèn)題，讓事情變得更好。如果你不想吵架，或?qū)Ψ讲幌霝榱烁纳脐P(guān)系跟你爭(zhēng)吵，那才是真的有問(wèn)題了。

4. You and your partner will restore your sanity

你和你的愛(ài)人會(huì)恢復(fù)理智

Anger means that you care. Unfortunately, being angry can also drive you insane if you don’t express it. Bottling up those kinds of emotions can be dangerous. It can cause you to have irrational thoughts and eventually you start thinking things that aren’t true. Letting out that anger can help reset your insanity button and get those negative thoughts out of your head. Not fighting and letting those feelings get bottled up is never good. Ever.

生氣說(shuō)明在乎。但不幸的是，你如果生悶氣，會(huì)被憋瘋的。這些不良情緒悶在心里是一件非常危險(xiǎn)的事。有可能使你有了產(chǎn)生某些荒謬的想法，最終你開(kāi)始考慮不著邊際的事情。將憤怒釋放出來(lái)可以讓你避免精神錯(cuò)亂，將那些消極的想法清空。不爭(zhēng)吵，任由不良情緒發(fā)酵是絕對(duì)絕對(duì)不行的。

5. You will get an honest answer for once

你會(huì)立馬聽(tīng)到最誠(chéng)實(shí)的回答

Emotions flying around like witches on broomsticks often means that the truth is also flying around. Have you ever noticed that people in fights make statements they wouldn’t otherwise make. “I never liked it when you did this.” Couples in an argument often air their dirty laundry but more importantly they’re doing it honestly. Those small things you keep bottled up and lie about (“Sure, honey, I don’t mind watching Sex in the City…again”) can be set free because angry people no longer care about the consequences. As long as you’re not hiding anything ridiculous like cheating or something irreparable, chances are that your little issues are fixable.

壞情緒四處蔓延，像女巫騎著掃把飛來(lái)飛去，通常這也意味著真心話就在嘴邊。不知你是否曾注意，爭(zhēng)吵時(shí)，夫妻間會(huì)說(shuō)出平時(shí)絕不會(huì)說(shuō)的話。比如，“我根本就不喜歡你這么做”等等。夫妻爭(zhēng)吵時(shí)通常會(huì)把問(wèn)題都晾出來(lái)，但更重要的事，雙方此刻都是誠(chéng)實(shí)的。那些曾經(jīng)讓你欲言又止的小事（當(dāng)然，親愛(ài)的，我一點(diǎn)都不介意再看一遍。�！队�望都市》），諸如此類，生氣時(shí)會(huì)說(shuō)出真實(shí)的想法，因?yàn)樵跉忸^上，根本估計(jì)不到后果。只要你隱瞞的不是出軌或其他無(wú)法彌補(bǔ)的錯(cuò)誤，你們之間的小問(wèn)題就可以解決。

6. You get to have sex

做做“運(yùn)動(dòng)”

As long as your relationship survives the fight (and chances are that it will) you get to have make up sex. By the time the argument is over everyone is stressed out. Things are a little tense. There are few better ways our species has access to than a good rumble between the sheets to get some of that tension out. We’re not saying you should pick a fight but plenty of people who are in relationships go through a dry spell that ends after a fight.

只要你們的感情能承受住爭(zhēng)吵（很大程度上沒(méi)問(wèn)題）就需要一些性愛(ài)來(lái)彌補(bǔ)一下。爭(zhēng)吵結(jié)束了，問(wèn)題解決了，兩個(gè)人都會(huì)感覺(jué)有點(diǎn)精疲力盡。關(guān)系稍微有些緊張，此時(shí)很少有比來(lái)一場(chǎng)床上運(yùn)動(dòng)更好的方法了，這樣可以讓你們緊張的關(guān)系緩和下來(lái)。我們并不提倡爭(zhēng)執(zhí)，但是很多夫妻爭(zhēng)吵后確實(shí)會(huì)有一段尷尬和緊張期。

7. You get a reminder of what you’re doing wrong

有一個(gè)人會(huì)時(shí)刻提醒你什么做錯(cuò)了

Relationships take work. Sometimes you have to stop doing something or start doing something to keep your partner happy. Not doing those things can result in a fight. During that fight you will be reminded (many times) of what you’re doing wrong. This can seem tedious and awful but sometimes we need a push in the right direction because we don’t always know what the other person wants. A good fight can put those needs into focus.

夫妻關(guān)系很有作用，有時(shí)，你需要做某些事或不做某些事讓你的另一半開(kāi)心。如果不這樣，可能會(huì)引發(fā)爭(zhēng)吵。在爭(zhēng)吵中，對(duì)方通常會(huì)說(shuō)出你哪里做得不對(duì)。這樣看起來(lái)或許很沉悶甚至可怕，但是我們確實(shí)需要有正確的推動(dòng)力，因?yàn)椴⒉皇敲總�(gè)人都知道他人是怎么想的。一次“成功的”吵架可以將這些問(wèn)題提出來(lái)并解決。

8. You can understand yourself better

能更好地了解自己

I can’t even remember how many epiphanies I’ve had during fights anymore. It doesn’t always happen but sometimes you are just wrong. It happens to all of us and there is nothing to be ashamed of. The problem is that you don’t know that you’re wrong until someone points it out. In today’s society, telling someone they’re wrong is fighting words. The important part is admitting that you’re wrong after you get caught being wrong. Otherwise this entire point is worthless.

我自己都記不清楚在爭(zhēng)吵中我有過(guò)多少次頓悟了。當(dāng)然這種事不經(jīng)常發(fā)生，但有時(shí)你確實(shí)是錯(cuò)了。每個(gè)人可能都經(jīng)歷過(guò)，這也沒(méi)什么好害羞的。問(wèn)題在于，有時(shí)候別人不指出來(lái)，你根本不知道自己錯(cuò)在哪里。當(dāng)今社會(huì)，告訴人們他們錯(cuò)了是一種很不友好的事。更重要的是，當(dāng)被指出錯(cuò)誤時(shí)，你應(yīng)該意識(shí)到自己確實(shí)是錯(cuò)了。否則一切都是無(wú)意義的。

Of course, we are coming at this from a specific point of view. Arguing and fighting is healthy but only if it’s done in a specific way. If your partner is hitting you, abusing you, bullying you, or otherwise hurting you or making you feel unsafe, you should do something about that immediately. There is no fixing that kind of behavior. Otherwise, keep these tips in mind the next time your partner blows up at you (or vice versa) and prepare to work on your relationship the old fashioned way.

當(dāng)然，我們是以一種獨(dú)特的視角看待這個(gè)問(wèn)題。爭(zhēng)吵和爭(zhēng)執(zhí)是有利的也僅限于以某種特定的方式進(jìn)行。當(dāng)你另一半打擊你、羞辱你、欺負(fù)你、傷害你或者令你覺(jué)得毫無(wú)安全感，你應(yīng)該立即采取些措施。上述行為對(duì)婚姻關(guān)系并無(wú)益處。另外，將這些小訣竅記在腦子里，下次和你的另一半發(fā)生爭(zhēng)吵時(shí)用得上。并記得用老辦法修復(fù)你們的關(guān)系。